To My First Born Child...

I took a picture of you today, you were helping dad work on his car and I asked you to smile for me. You posed for the picture like you’re a pro at this! That photo took my breath away. I realized (after staring at the picture 20 times) that my once baby girl was now a beautiful young lady. I guess I never noticed it before, in my eyes I will always see that sweet blonde little baby laughing and giggling with me. Sucking her thumb when she was exhausted. Wanting to sleep next to me first before being put in bed. I will always see my first born, my first love, the one who made me a mother. I will always remember leaving the hospital without a clue…but somehow figuring it out with you. You were my trial and error. You were my mistakes and my biggest accomplishments. You were and are everything I am today.

To my first born,

With you I learned the most about myself. I learned how strong I was even when I was beyond exhausted. I found emotions within myself I never knew I had. I felt love, fear, sadness and happiness all at the same time. I learned what unconditional love meant. My love for you made my love for your father grow deeper. The way he looked at you, made me fall in love with him all over again.

When you were sick, I was sick with you. When you were sad, my heart broke into a million pieces. Oh but when you’d smile at me….that beautiful big smile of yours, you will always be a ray of light.

Sweet child of mine, the day we made you an older sister…I knew you’d be a good one but I never knew you’d take your new role so seriously. You fed her, you rocked her, you watched her grow. You sang to her and told her stories. You POTTY TRAINED her!

In a blink of an eye this cuddly, affectionate little girl has become a determined, funny, Miss Know-it-All. Sometimes you give me a glimpse into the future, you ten years older and me pulling my hair out!

As I look at the photo of you AGAIN, I notice that same baby-face looking back at me, telling me that everything will be just fine. All the worries I once had for you, you’ve surpassed with flying colors. Now, I know my worries and sleepless nights will forever continue…but I will take it a day at a time. I will savor every second with you and your sister. I will take more pictures and capture these memories because it all passes so quickly.

I want you to know just how proud I am of you. You’re creative and caring. Your energetic and smart. You’re hilarious and stubborn. I love everything about you even when you’re being dramatic and sassy and you talk way too much! I love that you are motherly and loving. I love that you love to read! Honestly, you’re just a mini me and everyone knows that!

I want to thank you for all that you have given me. Everything I have learned and continue to learn. I also want to apologize because I made mistakes and I made them with you. You are my first born, my first time for everything. You paved the way for your sister.

Always remember that I always had the best of intentions and I gave you all of me, every single time and I will continue to do that.

Olivia FAITH, the day you came into the world, changed my life forever. I wish I could freeze time and keep you and your sister little forever.

I want you to continue to love wholeheartedly. Always say your prayers and put God first. Be kind and stay humble. Continue teaching your sister everything you know, minus the eye-rolling please! Be the best version of yourself and chase those dreams!

I love you beyond words little one. You will always be my first. You will always be the one who made me a mother.

With All My Heart,

MaMa